Lisa Brewer Buffaloe
He calms the storms
by Lisa Buffaloe
Sometimes He calms the storm,
other times He calms His child.
Kathy, my sister-in-law was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia in June of 1996. Their daughter Kelly was only a toddler at the time. For eighteen months, Kathy battled the disease through chemotherapy, radiation, and a bone-marrow transplant. Through it all, many prayers were offered up for her healing. Excitement and anticipation through remissions and then heartbreaking relapse. The questions were unending, the answers few.
Below are a few excerpts from her e-mails.
“The disciples went and woke him, saying, ‘Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!’ He replied, ‘You of little faith, why are you so afraid?’ Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm” (Matthew 8:25-26 NIV)
In Loving memory of
Kathy Kinzbach Brewer
Lyrics to Scott's song used by permission
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Below are a few excerpts from her e-mails.
7/4/97 “How many times have I heard, “How’s your leukemia?”… (By the way, it’s not “my” leukemia…I do not own it, nor want any part of it). Just fine. I keep it in a box by the fireplace. … Last night, I was in the tub looking at my bloated belly and my little Yoda head. It made me so mad! I found myself telling the leukemia that it MIGHT have its way with my body…but, it would NOT conquer my soul! I know that without a doubt---I believe that God is faithful!… I really do not know what to make of all of this. But God is faithful. I have an unusual peace about this whole thing….”
7/6/97 “Sometimes it‘s hard to really admit that I don‘t feel good…because then I have to admit to myself that I am sick. I don‘t want leukemia to be a part of my life! Last night was the first time I really thought…gee, I am sick and it actually crossed my mind that I could die from this. I should say it was the first time in a long time that the thought crossed my mind. I did have a major revelation of this knowledge while in the hospital. BUT I really don‘t think about it too much. I guess, in my heart, I believe that I am going to be okay…but, every once in a while…I realize that I am mortal.”
“Lisa, I just don’t understand this. But, I’ve decided (and it was a decision) that if I believe God loves me in the “good” times, He loves me just as much (if not more) during the hard times. Either He is God or He isn’t. I think I‘ve said this before…I would have been nuts if I had married a man that I was smarter than. To me, the same theory applies to God…if I understood Him totally, then why in the world would I serve Him? Does that make sense?”
Friends rallied to pray and help, and a web site was established for daily updates for friends and family. Thousands of people checked her site as word spread. My brother Lee, a preacher, would post daily updates about Kathy and God. Kathy posted on the days she felt well enough.
During one of her remissions, she posted the following.
11/18/1997 “We have so much for which to be thankful this year. Moments spent with my family are much more precious than ever. My hair is starting to grow back! I feel a tiny bit stronger every day. I still have ups and downs but they seem to be smoothing out a little. As a Christian, there are so many things that I do not really understand about this whole situation. But I do know that “God’s present to me is His presence with me.”11/22/1997 “Somehow I feel like I am repeating myself, but I LOVE Thanksgiving! …One thing that is often missing, though, is “thanksgiving”. We’re so busy looking for the black olives that we just forget to take a moment to give thanks, individually and as families, for our many blessings. Obviously, I have a lot to be thankful for! In fact, if we had a “Gratitude List Contest”, my list would probably be the longest!”
Friends, family members, nurses, and doctors treasured her quick wit, love of life, awesome sense of humor, and unending love of God. During her illness, we lived in another state. Kathy and I would have long talks on the phone, e-mail, and when possible talk in person about life and about God.
I felt a strong urgency in January to fly to see her again. Friends rallied to help my little family and I flew down. By the time I arrived, Kathy was in the hospital on a ventilator. On the morning of January 19, I was staying at their home when Kathy’s mother, Helen, called. Helen had stayed at the hospital every night, and every day through this long battle -- Kathy’s angel of mercy. “Come quickly” she said.
On the way to the hospital, my brother played this song by Scott Krippayne, “Sometimes He Calms the Storm.”
“All who sail the sea of faith find out before too long how quickly blue skies can grow dark, gentle winds grow strong,
and suddenly fear is like white water pounding on your soul. Still we sail on knowing that our Lord is in control....Sometimes He calms the storm.
With the whisper “Peace be still,”
He can settle any sea. But it doesn’t mean He will.Sometimes He holds us close
and lets the wind and waves go wild.Sometimes He calms the storm,
and other times He calms His child....He has a reason for each trial that we pass through in life. Though we’re shaken,
we cannot be pulled apart from Christ.
No matter how the driving rain beats down on those who hold to faith,
the heart of trust will always be a quiet, peaceful place.”
That day the storm raged like no other, as dark waves of grief pounded on our souls. How we longed for the words “Peace be still.” Every room on Kathy's hospital floor was occupied as others struggled with their illnesses. Kathy’s ravaged body was hooked to a ventilator, and her eyes closed. Was that a squeeze when I held her hand?
The machines told us she was still there, but her body showed nothing but the devastation of battling leukemia all those painful, long months. It was too long for her to remain on the ventilator--it was time to let her go. The machines were turned off. No struggle, no signs other than her brain waves slowly drifting away. Lee, Helen and I clung to her as her soul left her body.
I went out in the hall to cry. A woman enveloped me in her arms and held me while I sobbed. Then she sweetly looked at me and told me not to worry, my loved one would be with her son in Heaven. Her son had just died down the hall.
Amazing grace.
Sometimes He calms the storm,
and other times He calms His child.
and other times He calms His child.
When Kathy died, our world was turned upside down. Emotions, fears, doubts, grief. How, why, why…? For eighteen months, we prayed, begged, and pleaded for healing. Why the suffering, why the pain, and why the disease? Did God care?
Jesus answers, “Are not five sparrows sold for two cents? And yet not one of them is forgotten before God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are of more value than sparrows” (Luke 12:6-7) God promises “As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you…” (Isaiah 66:13)
God loves us so much more. We can only see through human eyes -- our loss. But God’s purposes are far beyond what we see. Sickness, pain and suffering were not meant for us in the perfect world originally established. Yet now we live in a fallen world complete with all of its evil.
Kathy was a Godly woman; nevertheless, illness touched her and took her life. God never left Kathy--not for one moment, “...but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed…” (John 9:3)
At the time of her death over 200,000 visits to Kathy’s web site had taken place. Through Kathy’s illness and death, how many seeds were planted? How many had their faith strengthened? How many people came to know the Lord? I cannot wait to find out. I cannot wait to see Kathy healthy, smiling and be with her again. Kathy’s death was not a punishment for her or anyone else; it was not because God did not care.
Beth Moore writes, “Death was not God’s refusal to act. Death was God’s ultimate rescue. … He desires to draw us to Himself spiritually, then one day physically. God’s purpose is to deliver us to Him - safely. When our ultimate rescue comes, God will not only rescue us but He will bring us safely to His heavenly kingdom.”
Kathy was spared from evil, she is at rest, and she has been rescued. God prepared her room, it was ready, He called, and she answered. She is safely home. “For the Lord loves justice, and does not forsake His Godly ones; they are preserved forever…” Psalm 37:28
Do we miss her? So very much! Oh, how I want to call her on the phone and talk, to hear her laugh and voice again. This was not what any of us would have chosen; we wanted Kathy to be with us forever.
We miss her, but we are comforted knowing we will see her again and her spirit will remain forever safe in God’s arms. We are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses (see Hebrews 12:1). I believe Kathy knows what her daughter, Kelly is doing. I believe her love is eternal for her family and friends.
She is in the presence of The Lord, in His joy, and in the twinkling of an eye, we will all be together again. Death is merely a door to reach our Savior. “…For I will turn their mourning into joy and will comfort them and give them joy for their sorrow” (Jeremiah 31:13)
Kathy my sweet friend, meet Marlyn. Talk and laugh, enjoy one another as we enjoyed you both. I miss you sweet friends,
I miss you so much.
I miss you so much.
Heavenly Father, Abba, please tell them how much I miss them.
“The disciples went and woke him, saying, ‘Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!’ He replied, ‘You of little faith, why are you so afraid?’ Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm” (Matthew 8:25-26 NIV)
In Loving memory of
Kathy Kinzbach Brewer
Lyrics to Scott's song used by permission
To order Scott Krippayne's song, "Sometimes He calms the storm" please visit:
