My friend, Marlyn was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The doctors told her she only had a few months to live. No hope was offered, no treatments, nothing could be done. Go home.

During that time, phone calls and e-mails crossed in the night as we prayed together.

This was written over a year after that diagnosis. The day we talked, her pain was excruciating, she hadn't slept for five days and could barely eat. She writhed in pain and called out to the God who she knows, loves, and praises. 

The e-mail below is one Marlyn sent to a young woman with cancer. With her permission, I share it with you.

I want to tell you that Gods loves you. I wondered how I could feel that way, now that I was terminally ill at a young age. I had a 7 year old daughter and a husband I waited a life time to be with. How could a good God take that away? 

But sometimes, God doesn't do things to us, He does it for us. I talked to Him every day after. I was careful not to say something to hurt Him or tick Him off. I figured I had already done that, and that is why I was in this mess. When you are stripped bare, that is when you can hear. That is when you can see. And that is when you can truly savor His gifts.

I first started by thanking Him for the many things He had given me. And then I quickly asked His forgiveness for ignoring Him all those years. I don't think we are the first ones to take this path. I realized that I had been asking for a way to grow closer to Him, and a way to grow my family closer to Him. Now He gives me strength, wisdom, and comfort when I ask.

I remember when they told me I was sick. My whole world came crashing down. I knew I was dying. And, I didn't know which way to turn. I don't know how to do this. Why am I doing this? Surely there is a cure. But truth is--there isn't. The kind I have is not even researched because no one lives long enough to gather data.

We went to the largest teaching cancer hospital in the world. They said go home, take your pain pills, and a little something for depression. Find someone locally to help you through. I left with my heart in my hand. My eyes welled up with tears and an overwhelming fear. How could this be?  Only old people got this disease. I'm not old.

I began to pray.

I started looking for a doctor near my home. I saw a few, but they all thought they were God. “YOU drew a BAD card” they said. Well, that made me angry. I didn't draw a bad card. We are talking about my life, not a stupid deck of cards. Who was he to reduce my fear and my life to a statement like that?

I finally found a Doctor. He looked at the charts and let out a big sigh. He said you need me. You need someone like me to help you work on this.  OKAY I thought, finally a doctor that didn't put an expiration date on my forehead and schedule me for a follow-up. He said, I don't know how this will go, but this is where we will start, and we will make adjustments. I asked him how long do I have? He just looked at me with a look like… how would I know, and haven't you been told enough to be scared out of your mind? Without answering, I returned for a series of treatments that send me crawling home.

The first day after treatment was bad and the second day worse. But the third day, when my darling called home I was raging in a pity party that I was ashamed of for sure. He would ask “how are you feeling?”  I would say, feeling angry because you hid the bullets to my gun again!!! It was meant metaphorically. I went through it for 9 months. I learned how to cope.

I learned how to pray. Dear God, thank you for another day. Thank you for my friends and family. Wrap a blanket of protection around us. Take away our fears and give us restful sleep. Let me wake in the morning and be renewed in your spirit. In the name Of Jesus Christ, Amen. (Because I found out you have to pray in the name of Jesus.) You see, I was new at this too. But I felt better straight away. May I recommend that one? 

I was new at all this stuff. But I knew God put me here and He could take me just like that. If it was a miracle I needed, then I would have to go to the miracle maker.

I was busy getting through each day and making sure I didn't torture my loving family, and even though my prayers were being met, I was slow to see it. But I did. I began to see all the many things I really loved. I began to hear all things in Gods kingdom. And then He called me. Loud and clear His voice came to me.

I was traveling down the road to my home, when I saw a car parked on the side of the road. A lady in tears was kneeling in front of a cross of wood covered in beads and words of love from friends and family. I knew she was the mother of a young boy that had been killed in a car wreck several months earlier. The loud voice said "PULL OVER" in my head. So after a little struggle and scared out of my wits--I did it. I sat in the seat, looked outward, and asked… what do I do Lord? His voice said, get out, and I will do the rest. I went to the woman and she admitted she was indeed the mom. I told her how sorry I was. Then, out of my fear I asked her what she would like to say to him, since I would be seeing him soon. She wilted in sorrow for me. No, I said it’s not about me. And if God wants me, then he will have me -- that’s that. Tell me please. She said "tell him I love him." The loudness in my head shouted "TELL HER I KNOW THAT!" So I did. She looked at me with great content and said “Tell him I miss him.” He answered back, Okay. I'm okay. Go home Mom. Go home. After a long conversation she admitted she had not been home in three days. Her husband was sick with cancer and she was broken and lost. I consoled her and then God said leave now, so I did. And so did she. It has been since November and she has not returned.

I could go on for hours about situations that I have been used to bring comfort to other people. You too will rise above this disease and see. You too will rise above it all, and hear the voice that calls. I would not trade the last year for the last 46. I love my husband and daughter and they gave me the best times in my life. But it is God who gave me Joy.

Dear Father, 

I want to lift up my young friend to you tonight. Let her feel your presence all around her. Take away the fears that haunt her mind and replace them with Your peace. Let her realize that You are in control.  Let her and her family rest in Your loving arms as they face this journey. Bring them through it with Your strength and wisdom. 

Give her doctors direction and renew her hope in Your Name and Your promise. Allow her to rise up in this face of doom, to see and hear Your beautiful voice. Let her always seek Your council in all things that she may be pleasing to You. Let others see her strength and her determination to bring all that is good with her everywhere she goes and to whom all she speaks. 

Thank You for who You are and for Your son Jesus that we may all be together by the light of his path. 

In the name of Jesus Christ, 

Amen

Go forth and be brave. Never ask why me? You will see people sicker and younger everyday as you move forward, ask why them? 

All my love Marlyn      

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Another prayer by Marlyn... 

Dear God our Father, 

Thank you that we have so many people to love. Thank You Father for Your Love and Grace. Thank You for who You are and what you mean to us. Thank You for Your Son that we live with the promise He delivered-- thank you Jesus, sweet Jesus. 

I lift up all my friends and family to You to be protected and comforted in this crazy world. Please help us to bring peace and order to our nation. And we will give all praise to You.  

Wrap the big blanket around us, the soft soothing one that takes away fear and doubt. We wait in silence to hear the voice that leads us through the mire. Out of the darkness into the light we march following the light on our path. Let us say and do things that bring Honor and Glory to Your name. Give us all a night of restful sleep so that we wake in the morning refreshed and renewed in your Spirit. 

In the name of Christ Jesus,

Amen     

Marlyn      

Marlyn Gaskin went home to be with the Lord on October 12, 2006 at 6:10 AM.

This plaque was donated in Marlyn's honor