“Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; You will cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am’” (Isaiah 58:9 NASB).

Wendy is a beautiful young woman with sparkling brown eyes and long brown hair, Cherokee blood tints her skin with a perpetual tan. She exudes God’s grace with her warm, friendly smile. With her permission I share a small part of her testimony. Sexually abused from the time Wendy was six years old until age fourteen, she was convinced the fastest way to rid her painful childhood was to become an adult. She married her high school algebra teacher as soon as she graduated. The marriage lasted eight years.

Michael came into her life when she began job training. He was gentle, kind, with a softness she had never witnessed in a man. But Michael was a heroin addict, and as she put it, she “ran from man-made shelter number one, to man-made shelter number two.”

Memories of her abusive past, coupled with her husband’s drug use, took them in and out of drug, alcohol, and group therapy programs. Three children later, her marriage torn apart by her husband's drug use, she found work at a chiropractor’s office. When the doctor and his wife invited her to church, she accepted, but went with a mindset often taught in 12-step-programs: “Take what you want and leave the rest.”

Church was a tough step for Wendy. “Great spirit” and “creator” were the only words she used—the name “God” was way too personal. The pastor’s sermons consisted of expounding on one passage of scripture. Taking baby steps like this into God’s word gave her a perfect way to learn and grow. Desperately in need of the weekly encouragement, she attended church every Sunday, careful to leave God in her perfectly placed box—far away from her abusive past. She refused to discuss the experience with God, thinking He didn’t prevent the abuse so He couldn’t be trusted now.

Her husband, now clean and sober, desired to see the kids and reinitiated their relationship. He was more than happy to attend church. Despite their seemingly insurmountable problems, they’d never stopped loving one another.

Outwardly, Wendy’s life seemed to be falling into place, but the inner turmoil remained. At this time Wendy was sober, but “drunk with pain.” What follows are her own words. 

“The coping skills I learned in secular therapy proved to be effective, but they did nothing for the heart of the matter. Why wasn’t I healing? I went to church every Sunday, I prayed, and I went to therapy once a week. My ‘getting help’ only increased the stress in marriage and family. I couldn’t quiet the memories. One day it was okay to hug me, the next it wasn’t. I’m losing my mind—not healing.

It didn’t take long for me to break my promise to abstain from alcohol. I left therapy one evening, after all the reality I could stand, and drove to the liquor store. I didn’t want to heal. I wanted relief. I cried and drank all the way home.

Finally home, I pulled down the rearview mirror. Staring back at me was a little girl too broken to be a wife and mother. But sitting in my truck in the driveway totally blitzed on alcohol, something unexpected happened. My guard came down, and I began talking to God about the pain. Tears were finally flowing. I grieved the loss of my innocence and the rejection of my childhood church.

In the months of attending group therapy, God had remained uninvited to the journey of healing—other than to beg him to get me out of it, or tell him I wasn’t ready. The last time I could remember feeling so small when I prayed was as a little girl—a little girl who didn’t believe she was loved and protected by God.

My vow of silence had been broken by an impaired ability to reason. The sun had risen in no-man’s-land. Yes, I had been drinking, but God didn’t tell me to sober-up and come back later. Instead, He embraced me. The prodigal daughter had begun the journey home—all 110 pounds of me. I was tear streaked and reeked of alcohol, but oh, so ready.” 

Even as she drank away her sorrow, God in His mercy, compassion, and love reached out to take her in His arms and to give her the hope she never thought she’d find. Today both she and her husband are clean, sober, saved, and serving the Lord. Addictions gone, memories healed, they found everything they needed in God, because only a Savior can save.  For more about Wendy, please visit her Website at, http://www.wendysaxton.com/

"Only A Savior"
Song performed by: Lisa Bevill
From: Lisa Bevill - "Love Of Heaven" CD
Writers: Don Koch and David Moffitt

“I never thought I'd see the day
There'd be nothin' I could do or say
To make a way
If I could just keep tryin'
But somewhere on a dreamless night
I lost control with all my might
No hope in sight
And heaven heard me cryin'
Knowing I had nothing left
And I could not redeem myself

When only a Savior
Could hold my broken heart together
He was reaching far enough
To take me in His arms
When only a Savior
Who loved me more than life could ever
Give me hope I never thought I'd find
Everything I needed was everything He gave
'Cause only a Savior could save

You tell yourself to take it slow
'Till you realize you're letting go
Of all you know
To cling to something better
And looking out from where I was
I began to see the God of love
Was strong enough
To carry me forever
How could I have been so blind
To ever trust these hands of mine

When only a Savior
Could hold my broken heart together
He was reaching far enough
To take me in His arms
When only a Savior
Who loved me more than life could ever
Give me hope I never thought I'd find
Everything I needed was everything He gave
'Cause only a Savior could save.

Save me from my weakness
When I thought that hope was lost
He offered mercy and forgiveness
As He carried my cross

When only a Savior
Could hold my broken heart together
He was reaching far enough
To take me in His arms
When only a Savior
Who loved me more than life could ever
Give me hope I never thought I'd find
Everything I needed was everything He gave
'Cause only a Savior could save

 (www.LisaBevill.com)

Special thanks to Wendy and Michael, Lisa Bevill, Don Koch, and David Moffitt.